One must question these divas’ 
fashion sense

Nothing curdles my emotional nog like knowing my lovingly chosen holiday gift has been returned (who doesn’t want a sequinned credenza cozy?). So I eschewed Black Friday shopping in favor of Stealth Survey Saturday, to guarantee my presents stay put this year.

I had a few dozen of my nearest and dearest over for a little soiree, and passed out a wee 20-page questionaire as a party game. You know, like one of those dating compatibility dealies. The hours flew by.

“Ivana, darling, why do you want to know what kind of dinosaur I’d be?”

“All will be revealed,” I whispered.

The results, tabulated this morning, were very revealing.

“Peevish,” I called to my butler, “best rent a U-haul. If my calculations are right, the perfect gift for Tipsy van Keister is a herd of Aberdeen Angus.”

Speaking of having a cow, I nearly did during this week’s red-carpet stakeout.

Let me ring in this Early Christmas, and I’ll file my report: